you have to sink pretty far…

And now for another teething update:

well it’s happening again.

Really though, two and a half years of sleeping 4 hours per night on average has turned me into a jellyfish.  It’s you or me at this point, lil cupcake.

So with that attitude, I made earplugs out of bread last night so I could get some sleep on the couch.  Yep, whole grain earplugs.  If Pepperidge Farm wants to send me an endorsement deal, they can email me.

I told my mom about the bread earplugs and she said, “you have to sink pretty far down before you’ll put bread in your ears.”

Truer words were never spoken.

our kids don’t have a chance

We were watching Sleeping Beauty last night, all of us, and my husband and I had this conversation:

Josh: So why a spindle?

Me: What?

Josh:  Why is it the spindle of a spinning wheel that she  pricks herself on and dies?

Me:  It’s got to mean something, right?  It’s got to be some kind of symbol.

Josh:  Oh, wait…it’s a phallus.  It’s a phallic symbol.

Me:  Yes! You’re totally right.  It’s so obvious now.

*silence*

Me:  Do you think our kids will have any chance of being normal?

Josh:  About as much chance as anyone has, I guess.

i know this much is true

You can’t eat crackers in the shower.

You can’t put cream cheese on your bottom.

That’s life.

harvest

swedish design!

What’s my favorite store, you ask?

When I walk into Ikea, I have to reenact the opening scene of The Sound of Music where Maria twirls around with her arms open as if to embrace the mountains.  Except when I do it, I embrace Swedish design.

I also must walk around singing “I-keee-yaaaaah! I just found a store named Ikea!”  to the tune of “Maria” from West Side Story.

Ikea makes me very happy.

grandmother’s secret for a happy diaper change

This is my grandmother’s secret recipe to ensure a peaceful diaper change (your results may vary).

You will need:

1)  a large sombrero

2) some small soft toys like little stuffed bears and rubber duckies

3) one baby with dirty diaper

Here’s how it will work:

• assemble baby, sombrero, changing supplies, and small toys on your desired diaper changing surface (Grandmother always uses the bed)
• lay the baby down and QUICK…
• put on the sombrero
• this will stun the baby momentarily
• then undo the diaper and QUICK…
• put two small toys on the rim of the sombrero
• let them fall onto the baby (see why small and soft are the key words here?)
• the baby will be delighted and you can keep this up for as long as you need to get the baby clean and dressed

It’s a fine family tradition.

my kid says weird things 2

Took the kids to the mall the other night.  Here’s what Lily had to say about it:

“Mama!  We go to the Crab Shack!  See da Cracker Giant!!!”

I don’t know either.

We went to a place called The Crab Shack six months ago at the beach, so I guess that’s where she got that.

But the Cracker Giant?  Your guess is as good as mine.

my kid says weird things

Lily was running back and forth between the kitchen and the couch.

She paused and said, “Mama, I not in Egypt.”

No, sweetie, no you’re not.

i’ll eat you up i love you so

aren’t pumpkins great?

Yep.  They sure are.

Have you hugged a pumpkin today?